Never Quite Enough
by mpg
Summary: It was time to say goodbye to a love that was supposed to last a lifetime, but that was never quite enough. An entry for The Black Balloon Contest. AH/AU


**The Black Balloon Contest**

**Title: **Never Quite Enough

**Your pen name: **MPG

**Characters: **Bella & Edward

**Disclaimer: **All original intellectual property belongs to the rightful owners and I don't own twilight. I just like to play with the characters.

**Summary: **It was time to say goodbye to a love that was supposed to last a lifetime, but that was never quite enough. An entry for The Black Balloon Contest. (AH/AU)

**A/N: **Huge thank-you has to go to CorrinaTFF for looking over this for me. **Warning – Character Death**

**To see other entries in the Black Balloon Contest, please visit the C2 page: http://www . fanfiction . net/c2/78669/3/0/1/**

*****

I watched as the earth was shifted back into the hole in the ground. I shuddered as I thought about the coffin underneath the dirt. That was my past down there and now I had no idea what the future held. I didn't want to know because I wasn't ready to say goodbye to that life. To say goodbye to love.

The funeral was long since over, and everyone I cared about was already gone, but I couldn't tear myself away. I wanted to prolong my time here because we belonged together. As the earth-movers drove off I was left alone with Edward. I needed this time to say my final goodbye.

I longed to run my hands through his hair one last time but I couldn't. I would never touch him again. I looked down at my hands in disgust, as if they had somehow betrayed me. Which they had. I felt tears prick my eyes and wiped them away furiously. I had promised myself I would get through this without tears. I had promised myself I would be strong. I needed to get through this before I could go home, not that I wanted to leave. I never wanted to leave Edward, but I knew I had to and I needed to tell him how I felt, even though he knew.

I felt so many different emotions coursing through me. Grief, sorrow, loss all threatened to overwhelm me but although I was sad I was more angry. I wanted to yell and scream at fate for bringing us together only to break us apart again. After years of dancing around each other as 'just friends' we had only just barely found out the depth of our love for each other. It was only a little over a month ago we'd shared our first kiss. It had changed my life. It had changed both our lives. We knew we belonged together and that what we had was forever. It was love built on a foundation of firm friendship. It was real goddamnit and now it was over. The accident had seen to that.

That drunk driver had taken everything from me when he had decided to climb behind the wheel that night. I wanted him to be punished. He'd survived and received nothing more than a suspended licence and a fine, whereas I had lost _everything_. I shouted my frustration at the sky, but no one heard me, or if they did, they didn't answer. I wasn't just angry for my loss either; so many people's lives had been affected by the accident. The world changed that day.

I paced for a few minutes to calm myself before I finally sat on the ground alongside Edward. I rested my hand in the grass that ended abruptly at the spot where they'd dug the grave. I dropped my head to my chest and felt my tears falling. I didn't try to wipe them now; they could run freely and fall to the ground for all I cared. I wanted to give them to Edward, to show him how I felt.

"I love you," I told him, feeling stupid because I knew he couldn't hear me anymore. There was a divide between us now that could not be bridged. "I always have. I always will."

Pictures of our times together ran through my head. So much as friends, not enough as lovers. I'd never given myself to him the ways we wanted. He was saving himself for marriage, and I knew he was getting ready to propose. My thoughts were not helping my mood or my tears. I missed him so much already, even though it had barely been a few days, although time meant little to me at the moment and it could have been years. I missed the joy we brought to each other's lives.

I turned away from thoughts of our future, the future that was now dead, and tried to picture our past. I think I knew as soon as I met him that I loved him, even though I was only eight. We quickly realised we had a lot in common and our friendship was as thick as cement within a week. Supposedly permanent and unending, but it had ended now. I remembered the first time I ever saw him. His copper coloured hair was the first thing I saw, the only thing I could see as he sat in the car. His mother and my mother were high school friends, so after his father passed, they'd come to live with us for a while. The ultimate irony of this situation was that a drunk driver had brought us together by killing his father, and now it was a drunk driver that had torn us apart.

"I will never love anyone else like I loved you."

I tried to keep my composure as the words came out, but I failed and they came out in a sob. I was glad no one was here but Edward and me. I couldn't stand to think of anyone else seeing me in this state. I could only imagine my eyes were rimmed in red, and I knew the tears were still flowing. I sobbed; there was still so much more I wanted to tell him. A lifetime of stuff. A lifetime we'd never have now.

I stared at my hands again and scowled at them as I remembered how they had let me down. I clearly remembered the hospital. I had thought the connection between my hands and Edward's would keep us together, but it hadn't been enough. I hadn't been strong enough to hold onto him. Our love wasn't enough. It was never quite enough, and now I had to say goodbye.

I felt one hand come down on either of my shoulders. I realised I wasn't as alone as I thought. I looked and saw a blonde haired man on my left and my nana on my right.

My nana spoke to me, "Come on, Bella. It's time to go home now, love. You'll see him again one day."

I shook my head. I wasn't ready to go yet. I wanted to stay for him.

I saw the accident as if it were occurring all over again. The headlights crossing into my lane, flying towards me too fast to avoid as I drove towards Edward's house. The squeal of the brakes as I tried to stop to avoid him. The screeching of metal on metal as his truck ripped through mine. The screaming as I felt my body crush beneath the weight of the metal of the two vehicles. The days in the hospital as Edward held my hand, begging me to stay for him. The doctor's telling my parents and Edward that there was nothing more they could do. The machines falling silent as they turned off the life support. The funeral when Edward had declared his love for me in front of our family and friends.

"He'll be alright," the blonde said to me. "My boy was always strong."

I turned back and saw Edward's green eyes fill with fresh new tears as he stood, still clutching the wildflowers he'd brought from our secret place.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered as he laid the flowers on my grave. "I will love you forever."


End file.
